Feeling "Behind" in Life? Here's What I Want You to Know
As a psychotherapist, one of the most common themes I hear in the therapy room—especially from young adults and those navigating transitions—is this lingering sense of being behind in life.
Behind in their careers.
Behind in finding a partner.
Behind in starting a family.
Behind in “figuring it all out.”
But behind compared to who, exactly?
The Myth of the Timeline
Many of us grow up with an invisible (yet powerful) timeline in our heads. We’re taught that by a certain age we should be doing certain things: graduate at this age, get married by that age, have children by another, & the list goes on and on.
I don’t blame you for holding onto this timeline. For many of us, it’s shaped by what we've been told is the “right” or “successful” way to live. It’s also influenced by what we see happening around us — when everyone else seems to be hitting certain milestones, like getting engaged or married, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling behind. Sometimes, it's even rooted in our own hopes and dreams. And when we set big goals or expectations for ourselves, it’s only natural to try and build some structure around them — it helps us feel more in control of where our life is headed.
But life, as most of us quickly learn, rarely unfolds in straight lines. It’s messy. Complicated. Nonlinear. And deeply unique.
So why do we still hold ourselves hostage to these arbitrary deadlines?
The Problem with Milestone Mentality
There’s an unspoken pressure to chase milestones because we believe they’ll validate our worth or signal success to others. But what happens when you check every box… and still feel lost?
There are plenty of people that who have “done everything right” by society’s standards—great careers, marriages, homes—and yet find themselves waking up with a nagging sense of emptiness. Because somewhere along the way, they were so focused on when things should happen, they never stopped to ask: Do I even want this?
Do I want this relationship—or does it just fit the timeline?
Do I want to have children—or do I feel like I should?
Am I pursuing this career path for myself—or to impress someone else?
You might want these things eventually—but the pressure to reach them by a certain age can short-circuit the time and space you need to truly figure that out. That pressure doesn’t just live in your head; it can seep into your relationships, adding strain and urgency that makes it harder to know if a connection is genuinely right for you, or simply convenient for the timeline.
These are not easy questions. But they are essential.
Behind Is a Construct
There is no universal path. No life GPS that tells us we’re "off course." Your story is unfolding at your pace, and that’s not just okay—it’s necessary.
What looks like being “behind” could actually be deep, necessary growth that doesn’t always show up in Instagram-worthy snapshots. Maybe this season of your life is less about ticking boxes and more about healing, recalibrating, learning to say no, or learning who you are without the pressure of comparison.
What If You’re Not Behind—You’re Just Becoming?
Let go of the idea that your value is measured by milestones. Instead, try asking yourself:
Am I living in alignment with my values?
Do I feel connected to the life I’m building?
Am I allowing myself the space to evolve, even if it takes longer than I thought?
Because the truth is, some of the most meaningful, joyful, and authentic lives don’t follow a script. They’re written slowly, with intention. And often, the people who feel “behind” are the ones doing the brave work of not rushing into a life that doesn’t fit.
If you’re feeling behind, I want you to know: You’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re human. And you’re right on time for your life.
